Reboot

One and half years of being locked up in a house where your parents are always judgmental and demanding was tiring for me as well. I felt like I want to flee away or to disappear into thin air like fragments and appear again in some distant land. But I don’t even have anywhere else to go. And this thought brought about disappointments which was building inside me like a giant black hole. And I was constantly feeding this gargantuan obscurity with the dark matter it craved for since March 2020. Not long enough, I was already at my second phase of break down as I was not able to process everything happening in my fast pacing life.

What am I even doing? I need to get out of this. “Jaanu get a hold of yourself” I used to remind myself now and then. I should definitely change my habit as this is not taking me anywhere. So I decided to take this 21 days challenge to change my habit or to be more specific, I decided to reboot me.

One among the ‘first day challenge’ was to write about the time that I felt proud of myself. Coming to think of it. I don’t see any particular proud moment to be specific in my life. Then I realized I was never proud of myself. I always looked down upon me, my abilities and my achievements. Now that I am supposed to write about a proud moment I don’t have any cuz I never cared about it in my entire life. And that is my first failure, I suppose. Today I realized that I should be proud of myself and that is the best motivation for me. Sometimes you need to just pamper yourself a little so as to realize that you are beautiful inside out.

Now that I am realizing the importance of many things that I have been ignoring all this while, I kinda felt proud that I took up an initiative to change my quarantine induced dull life. So this is one proud moment for me I guess. The moment that I am writing this.

Someone once said me, “The first step is always the hardest one. So don’t keep waiting for the right time. The first step whenever you begin, becomes the right time. Always remember that.” I am recalling those words at this moment. I was brave enough to press the restart button. But the question is Are you?